Pella Chronicle

Local News

March 14, 2013

Slices of Life-God vs. Zombies


Consider the whole eternity thing. God promises eternity; zombies are stuck with it. They’ve got to experience a blow or bullet to the brain in order to escape the unlife of zombiedom.

Blood, gore and more – the zombie channel isn’t the only place to get your daily helping of brutality. The Bible is full of violent acts: brothers killing brothers, kings killing babies, people turning to salt and the siege and slaughter of entire cities.

Makes dodging slow-moving, dim-witted zombies seem like a piece of cake.

Zombies may not have a whole lot going on in the areas of conversation and intellect, but they’re technologically advanced and never further away than your smartphone. You can even access an app that shows what you would look like if you were a zombie. (Why?)

Not to be outdone, God and the Bible are both socially networked and online. God – there’s an app for that. You might think it’s impossible to tweet the story of creation in 140 characters or less. If anyone can do it, God can.

While zombie lore goes way back in Haitian culture, for all practical purposes, zombies came to the U.S. when the first “Night of the Living Dead” movie was made in 1968. God has been around a lot longer than that. (Charlton Heston starred in “The Ten Commandments” way back in 1956.)

Moses may have surfed the Red Sea, but the guys at my house like to channel surf. Can you imaging flipping back and forth between the Bible and zombies? Abraham prepares to sacrifice Isaac; (flip) Carl is lost. Moses witnesses the burning bush; (flip) Has anybody seen Carl? Samson gets a haircut; (flip) Where is Carl?

It’s said God gave people free will. As of late, we also have a choice on Sunday evenings. We can watch zombies or the Bible. Or, we could be totally unconventional and read a book.

I’d suggest making it a good one.

Follow Slices of Life on Facebook and hit Like (please). Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, playwright and author of “The Do-It-Yourselfer’s Guide to Self-Syndication” Email her at; or visit her website at

Text Only
Local News
AP Video
Netanyahu Vows to Destroy Hamas Tunnels Obama Slams Republicans Over Lawsuit House Leaders Trade Blame for Inaction Malaysian PM: Stop Fighting in Ukraine Cantor Warns of Instability, Terror in Farewell Ravens' Ray Rice: 'I Made a Huge Mistake' Florida Panther Rebound Upsets Ranchers Small Plane Crash in San Diego Parking Lot Busy Franco's Not Afraid of Overexposure Fighting Blocks Access to Ukraine Crash Site Dangerous Bacteria Kills One in Florida Workers Dig for Survivors After India Landslide Texas Scientists Study Ebola Virus Smartphone Powered Paper Plane Debuts at Airshow Southern Accent Reduction Class Cancelled in TN
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide